Tuesday, October 21, 2008

Move over L Ron


Don't steal this really good idea, it is patented and copyrighted and is the sole property of Dooley, Inc..

Okay, Melinda, here is the basis for our new religion/your first L Ron Hubbard-ish manifesto: time travel.

Hear me out on this because I have just an incredibly great idea. But you have to flesh this out and make it come out coherently. So the Genesis takes place in the distant FUTURE (the year should remain unsaid) and humans have just discovered that there is no God and that the world was created as a fluke of science. We also have the capability of time travel and have been going backwards and forwards in time for leisure and research for a while now. Eventually someone tries to go to far ahead into the future and they realize that there just isn't a future so everyone freaks out. So the scientists get cracking on what is going on and how the world ends and yada yada only to discover that time is a loop and eventually everything resets itself and starts over. And here is the good part, they realize that Adam and Eve were not created by God, but are actually a couple sent from the future to restart humanity. Adam and Eve were selected as the two most perfect beings on Earth to go back in time and start everything up again and their children marry/procreate with various pre-selected time travelers and that's how we get the rest of the Christian, Islamic, Buddist, Jewish, Hindu and every other big religion's characters. So really what I am trying to go for here is a retelling of the bible and other religious texts, but with time traveling inserted into places where appropriate. So Hanukkah could be that instead of the oil miraculously lasting for 8 days, people from the future come back and refill the menorah when no one is looking and Noah could have been helped by technology from the future to load up and build his ark, Joseph Smith found the tablets for the Church of Latter Day Saints because they were placed there by someone from the future, Ganesh was genetically created in the future to have a human body and elephant head etc.. etc. But as I said before, eventually there is an end to Time. And that is when the scientists of the future are unable to send back anymore time traveling biblicans (probably not really a word...) and as the time travelers grow and procreate in our technology free shared past, they eventually forget how one even builds a time machine and humans are doomed to just repeat the past as we already know it. So this is how we turn the idea from story into religion: in the year 2008 two sisters (us) are stopped by someone claiming he is a scientist from the future and he explains everything to us (and ONLY us- that's how we get to be the leaders (Joseph Smith style)) and we write it down. With most religions, the focus is to do as __(insert deity here)____ says and lead a pious life and end up somewhere good as a reward for said piety. Instead, our religion will focus on the importance of science and how everyone should strive to discover the methods and means of time travel as our duty to keeping humanity going. See, that way we make scientists (you and your nerd-alert MIT compadres) the heroes and smart people become revered and admired instead of being thought of as elitist and untrustworthy (as this election is revealing). And we get to be crazyheads who insult everyone else's religious beliefs. We can still throw in something about being good to your neighbors and what not, but I think the thesis should remain time travel. Notes: Back to the Future 1,2 and 3 should be revered as reliogous texts, everyone should have a DeLorean, Doc Brown should be a saint, gay rights should be thrown in there and whatever else we want. Also, I realize that there are continuity errors littered throughout this, so that is your job, Miss. Melinda Science Pants, to write it out and fix it up in a pretty and understandable way. Ready...Go!

1 comment:

yaymama said...

or if it fails as a religion you can start a new sit com: maybe THIS is how to make it in LA